Manual Double Danger (includes The Perils of a Cautious Man and The Stalker)

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I was never good enough and got to the most tragic point. Thank God for my children who saved me from doing it. Trying to stay Near Positive People..

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One Day at a Time. One Day at a Time.. I truly wish more was written and openly discussd about this type of abuse. I am grateful to this author for helping to increase awareness of something that has the very real potential to completely destroy lives. Before March of this year, I did not know that this type of abuse had a name. If someone would have asked me if I had heard of Narcissistic Abuse, I would have simply equated it with abuse by a Narcissistic person and that is very misleading. After enduring the most horrific emotional abuse I have ever experienced at the hands of a psychologist I had taken my two small children to for counseling, I endured even more trauma in the aftermath trying to understand what actually happened in the abusive relationship.

Narcissistic Abusers are quite skilled at leaving the victim with all of the guilt and blame for the abuse. After I refused to see this therapist any longer, I spent 9 months trying to understand if he was trying to help me like he insisted or literally trying to kill me. That made it even harder to heal from the abuse. I spent every waking minute thinking about what happened searchign for somehting I had missed that could make all if make sense.

They are still searching for answers and carrying the guilt and blame with them for not having done enough to prevent the destruction of the relationship. Glad the article was of help and put a name to very covert, insidious abuse. It is not discussed often because many do not understand it. However, with more awareness, more people are armed with information and can protect themselves from dangerous relationships.

I have read so many of these websites, desperately trying to find words that will bring me peace or closure or…something to just stop it hurting. I was the love of his life, but I abandoned him so what was he supposed to do when this girl came and saved him where I had dropped him. Feelings of guilt transferred to me…I am so terribly insecure now, after being so independent and strong growing up! How do I get back to normal?

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How do I leave him behind where he belongs and stop shedding a single tear for him? I wish there was a quick fix button…. I have a friend who has been married 20 years to a very successful physician. Here are some details of her relationship with him:. Her father is a physician as well. Her parents were very strict and controlling, enforced with verbal and physical abuse on occasion, forbidding her to go out with friends, while driving her to do well in school and other activities.

When she met her future husband, they had both been recently divorced. She was about to go away for a few months for a nursing job, when he literally swept her off her feet and took her to Las Vegas to be married before she left to go on this job. After they were married, she quit the job rather than going away. She was filled with great admiration and love for him for roughly the first half of their marriage. She thought of him glowingly as her rock, white knight and the love of her life. She did everything and anything he wanted her to do.

She changed who she was to be who he wanted her to be. Instead she focused on being the best home-maker she could be.

She loved to cook and perfected meals. She kept the house very clean all the time. She did everything for their two boys. She was always very driven, so that was how she used her energy. He always had the last word on any subject related to them and their family. She spoke that often their was fear- both from her and her sons- shortly he would come home from work that everything was not done- dinner, clean house, etc. Her boys would express this as well and tell her to hurry and get things done or Dad would be angry.

Roughly 10 years ago, she had the first desire to divorce him. She was upset when he flirted with other women at parties. It was also around this time that he no longer satisfied her sexually. Still, she went on as before, but now more unhappily, mostly for the sake of their boys. A little over a year ago, she found out he was having an affair. This was devastating to her on so many levels.

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Apparently he had known the woman for 6 years. She felt she had lost her best friend, husband, her rock, her everything in one blow. It challenged everything she thought about love, marriage, everything. In the months after the discovery, she would often go stay in a hotel by herself with a candle and drink by herself rather than be in the house with him. She stopped having sex with him.

Since she discovered his infidelity, he has become increasingly hostile toward her verbally. They have been in counseling for over a year now. She is increasingly stressed and unhappy with her marriage and does not want to spend any time with him because it is so unpleasant.

It is this last point that is most concerning to me. My thought is that the counselor has not identified the husband as a narcissist, otherwise he would not be trying to preserve the marriage through counseling. Jade— I would suggest seeing a psychotherapist who specializes in this area as well as joining the aforementioned support forums online— with time, you will recover and move on to love someone who loves you back in a healthy way… Jay— sounds like you have a lot of concern for your friend…have you addressed your worries with her directly?

If she and her significant other are in couples therapy, then it sounds like they are working on their issues… You can always share this article with her and see what she has to say…obviously, this is not a forum to actually diagnose people…she is lucky he has such a caring and concerned friend looking out for her interests….

Andrea- thank you for the feedback and advice. I met her the other day and asked her if she thought her husband was a narcissist. This did not surprise me entirely, and yet she seems stuck in what to do. She does not see an immediate need to end the relationship, primarily for the sake of her 14 and 16 year old sons it seems. Anyway, it appears his relationship with the other woman may have ended against his will, so now he seems more focused in a bi-polar way on her again.

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Their couple counseling is on an individual basis she ended the couple sessions after he repeatedly lied to the counselor. Very sad and troubling situation. And yet the counselor is trying to preserve their marriage. Apparently she asked him for a separation a year ago, but he refused, and he said he will not divorce her either. She has said that if he asked, she would divorce him, but she is afraid of her kids reaction if she were to ask for a divorce. Jay— again, your friend is very fortunate to have your support…all you can do is continue to be a reality-tester and help her to know of resources that might assist her see bibliography — she may need a different therapist who understands narcissism more completely — it is, ultimately, your friends choice how she proceeds with her life…but, armed with information, hopefully she will choose her own self-preservation and mental health— a happy mom is a happy family, whether or not there are two parents in the picture…best wishes!

Andrea- Thanks again for your feedback. I think I have done what I can while at the same time trying to respect her privacy and independence. I get the feeling she knows what she wants to do, but is preparing for the right time for her. Thanks again. Jay- yes, it sure does sound like you have done everything you can to support your friend.

Manual Double Danger (includes The Perils of a Cautious Man and The Stalker)

Sounds like she has a good-sounding board in you. I would focus on your own self-care and release the issue at this time. Best wishes in your journey, Andrea. This is so classic — frightening really because I can identify so strongly. I have been in a relationship much like this for 5 years. I even went to counseling and they never saw it which made me feel even more isolated and confused. Worse yet, we spend endless hours trying to figure out what we did wrong. We were not married and have no children together, thank goodness. I gave up my job to work with him, gave away most of my belongs my bad decisions and gave it my all in the relationship.

He was very charismatic in the beginning but soon I realized he was shallow and unfeeling towards other people pain. Him and I bought a house together which is down the street from my daughter and her family. When I left, I also signed this house over to him because I did not want any ties. The narc hated my son in law and never had anything nice to say about him.

Now the narc and my son in law are best friends, but I know my son in law needs the money his is making off of him at this moment. He thinks he has the narc under control…. I know he is wrong and the hatchet will fall with him as soon as the narc no longer needs him. We live in small community and the narc decided to remodel this house the one we bought together on a grand scale and so it is being noticed by everyone in this community. Originally he was going to sell it and I was all for that, just to get him away from me and family.

But now it seems he wants to keep rubbing my nose in it for breaking it off with him.

How to Spot a Sociopath in 3 Steps | Psychology Today

He is even trying to get his family to move here???? He is taking my family to nice places to eat and giving them money which they need but it is making me feel sick to my stomach.


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My son and his family has broken ties with him but my son in law has not.